I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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