worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
