I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We are two peas in an std pod
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
