that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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