woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
