how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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