All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I supernannyed him into submission
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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