Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
