Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
