She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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