She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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