I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
