I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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