Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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