I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
