why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We smell like vodka and hangover
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