: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
