Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad

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(443): View more from Maryland

She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule

(856): View more from New Jersey

Lmao sorry

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(925): View more from California

I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.

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(917): View more from New York City

He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.

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