it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
