Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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