capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So much Jack, so little girl.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
