Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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