four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
