I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
