I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
