I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
