The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Randomize
