i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
