so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
