I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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