Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
