Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
