I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
