Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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