i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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