Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
