would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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