Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
