I heard we made out
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
