the condom got lost in my hair
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
