I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
