he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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