Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
