I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
