I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
