I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
