My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
