Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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