why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
