my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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